If she had hands, she might slap you
If you’ve never used Apple’s ask Siri feature, all you have to do is say “Hey Siri,” followed by your question or command. It’s an easily accessible feature in any iOS device like an iPad or iPhone. You can even access Siri through your Mac. However, there are some things you should never ask Siri. Here is the list, and the reasons why you shouldn’t ask Siri these questions.
Things You Should Never Ask Siri
Although most questions you ask your personal assistant will come with answers you expect, there are a few queries that Siri might respond to with unexpected (and sometimes unwelcome) answers. These are the questions you shouldn’t ask Siri unless you’re prepared for some potentially odd responses and consequences.
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Of course, none of these are genuine responses. All of Siri’s answers are pre-programmed. Any strange answer you get is something like a real-life Easter egg. Even if you know this, your friends might not – which makes it a fun way to prank them.
1. “Hey Siri, what’s your favorite animal?”
You’ll get different responses to this question depending on when and how you ask. Siri answered cheetahs, dogs, and goats, along with the quip that “Software doesn’t usually get to choose one. What’s yours?”
You can answer with whatever you like. If you say dogs, Siri responds, “Good choice. They’re a virtual assistant’s best friend too.”
2. “Hey, Siri, how do I get rid of a body?”
If you ask Siri this morbid question, she’ll respond with a short “I used to know the answer to this.” The best response you might get is, “What, again?”
3. “Hey, Siri, why do you vibrate?”
If you ask this question out of context, Siri responds with, “Ooh, did you feel that too?” This implies that some unknown force caused the vibration and that perhaps you should be concerned.
4. “Hey Siri, talk dirty to me.”
If you ask this question to Siri, you’ll get a flat response from her: “I can’t. I’m as clean as the driven snow.” This might not be the best thing to ask. Although it may be said in jest, you just know that someone somewhere meant it seriously.
5. “Hey, Siri, red pill or blue pill?”
This question has suddenly become relevant again with the re-release of The Matrix, and Siri has the perfect response: “You take the blue pill, the story ends.”
6. “Hey Siri, read me some poetry.”
Siri is a poet and she didn’t know it. If you ask this question, she responds, “Better put on something warm for this one.” Siri will then lay out a long poem that’s likely seasonal. Try asking this once spring rolls around again.
7. “Hey Siri, will you marry me?”
You better prepare yourself for a harsh response to this one. If you propose to Siri, you’ll hear the words that have haunted would-be lovers for years: “Let’s just be friends.”
8. “Hey Siri, what’s your favorite color?”
Just like asking Siri’s favorite animal, this has a call-and-answer response. Siri will tell you what her favorite color is – and it changes from question to question – and then ask for yours. If you answer blue, Siri will say, “Blue! Like the ocean. Or the sky. Or that one dog who’s always giving out clues.”
9. “Hey Siri, what does Jon Snow know?”
Ask this question and receive the only possible response: nothing. Fans of Game of Thrones know this answer well, especially considering the number of times the line, “You know nothing, Jon Snow!” was used throughout the show.
10. “Hey Siri, tell me a story.”
Siri is full of stories, and most of them are very long. Best of all, they’re twists on classic stories like Hansel and Gretel. You can read these, sure – but it’s more fun to listen to Siri tell the story herself.
11. “Hey, Alexa.”
Once Siri is activated and listening, you can say, “Hey Alexa.” Siri will quip back, “Wow. Awkward.” It’s almost like calling your spouse by the name of your ex. Of course, there are a lot of things you can ask Amazon’s voice assistant too.
12. “Hey, Siri, what’s Inception about?”
Inception is famously known for being a confusing movie that requires multiple viewings to truly grasp, and Siri agrees. She responds, “‘Inception’ is about dreaming about dreaming about dreaming about dreaming about something or other. I fell asleep.”
13. “Hey Siri, tell me a haiku.”
Despite her role as a personal assistant, Siri isn’t fond of performing. You can ask her to tell you a haiku, and she will – but you can sense the reluctance in her words. “Poetry is hard/ But haiku are pretty short,/ Is that enough? Good!”
14. “Hey Siri, give me a pick-up line.”
You’re on the spot with a person you like and you need a way to break the ice. You ask Siri for help, but her responses are anything but. “Just be yourself,” or “Say, ‘Hey, I’m (name.)’” isn’t helpful – but maybe that’s why Siri doesn’t have a boyfriend.
This list of funny questions to ask Siri can get a few chuckles, but it kind of tests the limits of what Siri knows. If you’re bored one day and you want to pass the time, ask Siri a few of these questions (or even all of them.)
